Im so irritated right now, about 3 days ago i stepped on a tiny piece of glass from an ornament that broke and its still in there, it hurts to put pressure on it. I have tried to dig it out to no avail. I walk on the heal of my foot so i don’t make it worse but I have so much to do its slowing me down… plus i wanted to start going for a daily walk with Liam but if i cant walk i cant do that. I have soaked it several times tried hot compresses and nothing is helping it actually looks like my skin has closed up around it i am really not sure what the hell to do. I am afraid to see a Dr because as tiny as it may be it hurts horribly to dig around trying to get it out and I am afraid they wont numb it. I looked online some are saying using a castor oil soaked gauze and leaving it as long as possible will help draw it out so tomorrow i will be trying that. Today we finally got our new carpet in and the rooms are painted but now i have to move stuff back in the rooms and try to organize this disaster of stuff, paperwork and laundry… seriously OMG the laundry its everywhere. I’m really in the mood to ditch half the shit in this house and ready for space, open organized space! I just need to get my foot in fucking check first!
I used to keep everything in and never talk about it I just try ed to push it down and just deal with it. Since my daughter died it’s like I can’t do that it kills me I feel everything good bad whatever. I see other people hurting I feel it… it sucks sometimes because I get hurt easily and most of the time it’s just because people don’t think, feel or act the way I do. There is nothing wrong with that were all different we don’t react to things the same, but at the same time it sucks for me. If I say I’m going to do something unless something super serious comes up I will be there, if I make plans I don’t bail I may let someone know hey something came up is it OK if we reschedule but u wouldn’t just bail on plans. I really don’t make plans often so when I take initiative and make plans it’s because I really want to and it means something on some level to me. I have a real hard time not feeling dissed or rejected when someone else makes other plans over plans already made it makes me feel like I want their best option and they found something better to do. while that may just be a simple understanding and not be the case without the full info it’s exactly how it leaves me feeling.
I made plans, spent money, and basically rearranged my life for the next few days only to find I am unable to get a final confirmation before driving 7 hours to pick the person up. I had not let my self get overly attached to the idea of getting another baby, but at the moment I am feeling really angry, my daughter will be devastated! Further more Ii can live with losing $100 but not knowing is going to suck!!! At this point I am not sure what to do. Do I wait or do I just cancel everything and tell her I am done, and that if she wants me to take the baby I will need the baby to have been born and close to ready to be released from the hospital… I cant keep doing this its really to much. Its making my head and my heart hurt and I’m really not sure what to even do or think.
I’m so tired of this kind of thing I don’t need the stress so maybe that is my answer…