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push through

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I have so many things I want to do and so many things I have to do its incredibly hard to find time to get everything done. Having depression just makes it harder. every year i go through this some years its really bad others is a lot milder. This year its not so intense but its still hard, I feel sad i feel anxious and over whelmed easily which makes almost everything much more dramatic and difficult. Working 2 jobs keeps me pretty busy so while i typically hate work and dealing with not 1 but multiple bosses that are unorganized and unreliable I also think it cuts down on time spent with nothing to do so im not as sad or down and i certainly do not have much time to sit around and let it get to me. Its been a long time since i was in a relationship this time of year but I think on most days it helps keep my depression to a minimum, but occasionally there are days it makes it harder too. I don’t write on here much mostly because i don’t have the time most of my time is spent working and just trying to get through this and hoping it wont last for to much longer…

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If i could id murk Ipsy

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i recently posed about cutting back and canceled all my subscriptions… so i was really fucking confused to log in to my bank account and find they still charged me… so i log in and yep i am still subscribed… then i realize because of the 4 steps you have to complete to cancel i think i may have missed one… they set it up to trick you into not canceling and if you get through the 3 pop ups then you have to wait for an email that has a link you must click… only the email took forever to get… I wont be dealing with that shit again!

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Something drastic

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I feel like lately I have gotten stuck at a point in my life i am not going any where, I cant say I’m not accomplishing anything but I feel like it in a way. I work so much only to pay off old debts, which is important and thats why I’m doing it but I’m also losing time at home, time with the kids, time cleaning, cooking and basically anything else which I hate. I feel like i need a drastic change, I want to explore a new city, i feel like i have outgrown some of my current relationships and my current living situation is literally killing me. I need my own space and freedom to live my life and parent my children. I cant have or do that here, i also know that moving to a different house wont stop anything yes it will improve things but i will eventually get sucked in to another pattern doing things i shouldn’t for people who don’t even appreciate it. I know part of that is on me, but i feel i need distance for my self to regroup and rebuild whats been torn down within me. I also know that there are problems everywhere its not an escape its an adventure that i want!

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Cutting way the fuck back

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I get a lot more money than most in my situation but still I’m always fucking broke… I have struggled since i was old enough to shop with a shopping addiction if you follow my instagram its probably pretty obvious… I also have a handful of monthly subscriptions that i decided last night to calculate and consider canceling.

Mirenesse $26.00 (a box every other month and a voucher on the other months but you have to spend $65 to get $25 off… fuckin lame)

Vape box $46 (vape parts and juice i dont need!)

Zample box $29.98 (6 vape e-juices 0mg of nicotine cause i don’t even smoke SMFH i vape but for the hell of it only)

Ipsy $10.76 (the make up bag every month irritates my life, id rather have the option to have an additional item versus a bag i will never use EVERY GOD FORSAKEN MONTH)

Birch Box $32.29 (i upgraded to their bigger box which does send some nice items but typically they are hit and miss for me)

Lip monthly $10 (its a nice subscription and i feel my money gets me more than ipsy but again with the fucking bags!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Citrus Lane $31.18 (Cute but i could buy the shit for like $10 less on amazon so nah!)

That’s $186.21 a month on shit im over spending on or simply not happy with WTF Nicki!!!!!!!!! So when i was calculating i was like fuck em and canceled them all!!! For the cosmetic subscriptions they can be nice but truthfully I am picky about my make up and typically don’t do most drugstore cosmetics, i have a few but i specifically choose them but the odds of receiving one that i will use or like at random is slim to none. They other thing is they love to send nail polish, its small its usually fairly cheap so they quite often have them and i don’t paint my own nails usually, maybe once every couple moths other wise i go without or get them done, i don’t need or want nail polish. I spend to much on make up already but its always the stuff i really want so no need for random things i more than likely wont use for a long time if ever.

I am going to be cutting some other stuff out too but i feel like $186.21 is a good place to start! I also have things i need to pay off but damn i have the money to do it without the subscriptions!!!

 

 

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