Child Loss, Pregnancy, TTC

And just like that its gone

its been so long since my last post although nothing has changed in regards to that post and because of the subject matter i actually had to re-read my post before constructing this on. I finally decided to talk to my Dr about trying femara, i was afraid there would be a fight as some Dr’s don’t like to prescribe femara but he was surprisingly on board and said that would probably help me a lot. he also gave me progesterone to get my period started which before i always had to wait 3 to 7 days for a period to come after taking the progesterone for 10 days, this time i started bleeding on day 3 but i continued to take them for the 10 days and i started the femara on day 3 – 7 and i used the digital ovulation tests that show no ovulation, levels rising and your ovulation day. My boyfriend was sick around this time so we only had sex the day (cycle day 17) of the positive opk for peak fertility. about a week after that my nipples were constantly hard for no reason and more sensitive, honestly it was weird but i figured it was probably the femara messing with my hormones or something. On Cycle day 29 (October 20th 2017) just on a whim i decided when i woke up early to pee to just take a test and see. So i filled the cup and dipped the test and waited and within a few minutes i saw the faintest line I was honestly shocked honestly i didn’t believe it so i took a digital one and it actually said PREGNANT, i was seriously so shocked, I was excited but really i just couldn’t believe it.

It was so hard waiting for my boyfriend to get home, but i made my self wait and not text it or a picture because I wanted it to be more special than that. I had bought this onsie if it ever actually happened to put with a positive test to give to him. I put both in a box to have him open. surprisingly I didn’t give it to him right when he got home I was laying down when he came home so he laid down with me and we talked about his day and just kind of cuddled until i decided to give it to him. It was such an exciting day.

Sadly on the day of my 6 week mark I started bleeding and had a miscarriage. which I was sad and cried for a few days but i cant do anything about it. The one thing in all of this is that after nearly 14 years I have never been able to get pregnant and it happened the 1st time taking femara. Now i at least know it is possible that I can get pregnant, can I have a baby I still dont know but hopefully this is a good sign… It is very sad that what I wanted so bad was right there and now its just gone. it also makes me a little sad because if it does happen again I dont feel like I can do something cute to tell him, i feel like we already did that and it didnt go well. hopefully one day this story will have a happy ending…

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