it seems in the last few years i have changed so much, learned, hurt , experienced, lost, gained, and enjoyed so much. Now I’m at a point looking at all of the directions i could go. I feel like i finally know where to go and what i should be doing. I will be removing the negative, and adding more positive. Further more beyond adding more positive i will create more positive energy for my self and for others. I want to be an example and be a good roll model for my children. I also know I need to stop doing certain things and start doing others. I refuse to let the past define my future. I have already removed a lot of things and will continue to get rid of the garbage. I truly believe that if you open your heart got can change you and make you better, stronger, and heal your heart. My problem is i haven’t done that, I wasn’t ready. I have struggled to keep it all together but the problem is i need to let it all go, everything, I want to have all this stuff, all these things, I want to not be single, i want to be happy, I want to be skinny, and the list goes on… I’m done, I give up but with an open heart i am ready for what comes next and will wait for what God has waiting for me rather than go it alone.
I think this song sums this up perfectly. So many times when my heart was aching this song would remind me God is there, he loves me and holds my heart and has a plan for me and will never leave my side no matter how many times I leave his. I am so grateful for that. I cant even listen to it right now with out crying… i have fallen so far so many times and yet im never alone even when i ignore God… I feel so lucky to finally realize this!!!!!!!!!!