Trying really hard

Some nights things just feel impossible. Tonight was a crazy rush of emotions. I and my best friend spent the better part of today building toddler bunk beds to accommodate the 2 and 3 year old’s and create more space for their room since its also shared with my 6 year old. I have never built something like this before so it was touch and go for a while and we ran in to so areas we weren’t sure we could actually build but we were able to and we were incredibly excited once it was done and the kids were excited to get in their beds and check it out. (I will post more about the bed after I have painted it etc). Then I hear someone knocking on the door I figured it was my upstairs neighbor as sometimes after work she comes down and hangs out. I look through the peep hole and I see a police officer standing there. I instantly knew why he was there and it made my heart ache a bit. I knew nothing bad was going to happen but the dreaded drama I had been trying to avoid was right there at my door. The mother 2 children that I have guardianship of called the police saying i wouldn’t give her kids back and she was never served etc. They were suspicious of her story but if they get a call they have to check it out especially with kids in the mix. So we explained everything and showed them the paperwork and they left to let her know what she needed to do. The kids were terrified and freaking out saying “the cops are here” and things like “we need to hide”. I could see they were afraid even the 2 year old, that is what hurt the most seeing them filled with worry and uncertainty i could see they thought something bad was going to happen. My daughter didn’t panic or freak out and i heard her tell them “its ok the cops are not bad they like to help” trying to calm the little ones down. I can only imagine the things they have seen and been told but I hate that they had to go through that tonight. We tried to change the topic and make some food to get their minds off of it for now.
As a mother myself in this situation I constantly feel conflicted, part of me is sad for the kids mom because I’m sure on some level at least now that she sees she cannot have what she wants right now hurts her. But I have to think also, she uses drugs and things have happened in front of the kids, several times CPS has been involved and on and on. She has no permanent place and stays somewhere new just about every night. I dont know who she is with or what they are doing but I dont feel like its safe for them. She does have the option to go to supervised visitation but because there is a fee I am not sure she will. I have never been in a situation like this before so truthfully I don’t know exactly how to handle it. I just try to do the best I’m able and put the kids first and make sure they have everything they need. I am more than sure tonight’s little drama is the first of many I just want to keep everyone safe.


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