Random, Rant, relationships

relationships are frustrating

between friends, girlfriends/boyfriends… whatever it’s so frustrating sometimes. all the effort to maintain sometimes…
lately one in particular I feel is always up and down its infuriating sometimes because like 5 minutes ago everything was cool… i know it’s normal but it doesn’t make it any easier… i wish it could be simple and easy sometimes. I just want to get along and be happy, and some days that’s how it is but others end in tears or going to bed wanting to scream.
maybe it’s me, or maybe we just haven’t found our “groove” i honestly don’t have the answer but my head hurts from all the spinning it’s been doing lately…

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Home, Random

The glass is half… in my foot

Im so irritated right now, about 3 days ago i stepped on a tiny piece of glass from an ornament that broke and its still in there, it hurts to put pressure on it. I have tried to dig it out to no avail. I walk on the heal of my foot so i don’t make it worse but I have so much to do its slowing me down… plus i wanted to start going for a daily walk with Liam but if i cant walk i cant do that. I have soaked it several times tried hot compresses and nothing is helping it actually looks like my skin has closed up around it i am really not sure what the hell to do. I am afraid to see a Dr because as tiny as it may be it hurts horribly to dig around trying to get it out and I am afraid they wont numb it. I looked online some are saying using a castor oil soaked gauze and leaving it as long as possible will help draw it out so tomorrow i will be trying that. Today we finally got our new carpet in and the rooms are painted but now i have to move stuff back in the rooms and try to organize this disaster of stuff, paperwork and laundry… seriously OMG the laundry its everywhere. I’m really in the mood to ditch half the shit in this house and ready for space, open organized space! I just need to get my foot in fucking check first!

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Random

Feelings suck

I used to keep everything in and never talk about it I just try ed to push it down and just deal with it. Since my daughter died it’s like I can’t do that it kills me I feel everything good bad whatever. I see other people hurting I feel it… it sucks sometimes because I get hurt easily and most of the time it’s just because people don’t think, feel or act the way I do. There is nothing wrong with that were all different we don’t react to things the same, but at the same time it sucks for me. If I say I’m going to do something unless something super serious comes up I will be there, if I make plans I don’t bail I may let someone know hey something came up is it OK if we reschedule but u wouldn’t just bail on plans. I really don’t make plans often so when I take initiative and make plans it’s because I really want to and it means something on some level to me. I have a real hard time not feeling dissed or rejected when someone else makes other plans over plans already made it makes me feel like I want their best option and they found something better to do. while that may just be a simple understanding and not be the case without the full info it’s exactly how it leaves me feeling.

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Random

Reality

Lately I have been going through a lot and I am not strong enough to deal with it alone. I have closed my facebook account and will not be posting on twitter. I have been hurting and miserable for a long time now and no one notices so I give up I am done I may come back but I don’t know… I feel like no one in my life really cares that i need someone or maybe they just dont care to be the person to comfort me, a hug and text whatever… Its always nothing and I cant take it and more if i must be miserable and alone id rather not do it on facebook or here so until further notice I am gone. Being alone is worse than death i hate it and how hollow and empty it makes me feel I hate every night that i cry just wishing for someone to realize how bad it is but no one does so fuck it im sorry but im done.

You’re getting closer to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser
And sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope,
I’m taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser, I’m a loser, yeah
This is getting old,
I can’t break these chains that I hold
My body’s growing cold,
There’s nothin left of this mind
Or my soul

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