I feel like screaming just to make noise some times. I hate the daily silence in my home, screaming at me as if i don’t know just how quiet it is… i could actually hear myself think and that’s what scares me, the hole in my heart wont stop bleeding. I cant seem to fix anything I don’t get why everything can be fine one day and so horribly wrong the next. I used to be mad at the world now I’m am just sinking into a hole of darkness that keeps sucking away my soul… i used to be kind but then every one in the world got pregnant and i watched the populate the part of the world i was in contact with, so i banished them and while i do miss those friendships i still couldn’t handle it if i tried… almost 5 years and i am still just as empty just as broken and every where i go its always in my face. I feel so hollow like a shell of the person who i used to be, and no one gets it people think they know but they don’t. people say they “feel” my pain… i want to rip their mouth off for saying it… they feel my pain sometimes i wish they did just so they would shut up… I just lock my self away and lie about it being OK because when it gets real that’s when every one leaves, the second a my eyes well up or i even start a sentence down that lonely road before i can even blink they are gone… i thought by now i would be fixed i would have a family and not have to go through this every day. i know its why no one reads my blog any more and thats fine i wouldn’t want to either honestly. i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way, i just wish this would all go way,