Nov 30
this is nothing new but its that time of year when everything slides down hill and I wake up every morning wanting to scream… I cant believe my daughter would have been 3 in just a few weeks. I know that I cant change the situation and I accept it but none the less it still hurts.

I know having another baby wont replace the one I lost but I so desperatly want a baby. I hate my body so much for all of this… I just want to get pregnant and have a healthy baby.

I don’t know what I will have to do to get pregnant… at this point I am not even sure I can any more. I hate to say that but after this long how else should I feel??? I took clomid this month and I hope it will work, if it doesn’t I think I will ask my doctor to bump up the amount. People keep saying be patient it will happen… I have been patient for 3 and a half years… I have been waiting to have a healthy baby to take home since I found out I was pregnant that has never happened. I want that. I don’t want to wait any more… but want to or not I have no choice! I was talking to an adoption agency yesterday about the requirements and the adoption process and I have no problem adopting a baby in fact in some ways for my life right now it makes more since. Maybe that is what I should be pursuing rather than having my own right now. I could always have one later or at least try once the child I adopted is 3 or 4. I honestly don’t know exactly what I am going to do but I have always wanted to adopt a child any way although I thought I would do that once I had already had a couple of kids of my own. But the more I think about it the more it seems to just fit, so maybe that is what I will be doing eventually…

I haven’t got any of my Christmas shopping done which I really need to, I am going with my mom later to shop a little, I don’t even know what I am getting people…

Nov 25
{REVISED} 22
icon1 Janice | icon2 Domain, General, Random, Whatever | icon4 11 25th, 2006| icon34 Comments »
As of yesterday I am officially 22. I don’t feel any different. Really it didn’t even feel like a birthday, I got one present from my mother and a slice of cake and the rest of my day was spent cleaning house…
Also I didnt know but my comments werent working… they are fixed now thanks to Kate for letting me know!
Nov 21
Sick
icon1 Janice | icon2 Drama, General, Random | icon4 11 21st, 2006| icon3No Comments »
Yesterday was horrible, I was sick, honestly I think because of the medicine I am taking I even threw up once and I felt crappy all day but today I am fine. Also that was one of the side affects stomachache, and vomiting.I feel fine today though! I am so excited the day after tomorrow is thanksgiving and then the day after that is my 22nd birthday… I don’t think I am doing much on my birthday maybe going to dinner or something but I am not sure.

So what is ever one doing for thanksgiving?

Nov 14

I am so happy! First off I am so excited about Christmas I went with my aunt Kim to target and got a couple nifty garlands for Christmas and a few other little Christmas things. Then I decided what the heck I want to get my nativity set out which I absolutely love, I never took it out of the box since I got it so I was all excited opening all the boxes and arranging all the people and animals just so. I would take a picture of it but my mom has my camera and she is in china until Friday…

Then I came home and found in the mail something from the court… In my head I was thinking oh poo I missed something but nope I am officially divorced as of the 8th… the stupid woman told me 8 weeks… 8 weeks my bum! I had a feeling it wouldn’t take that long! I am so glad it is finally over with!!!

And then I checked the bank account for the dairy and the check was almost $18,000 normally its $14,000. So that means the dairy can pay all of its bills and there will be quite a bit extra! I am so happy for them, when I called Johnny to let him know he was so happy!

I cant believe my mom went to china how crazy huh? She went with her friend Linda, they are always doing crazy stuff. I am really excited to see pictures and see if she brought back any nifty stuff from over there!

I have made 2 new themes in the past month but neither is done and they both look like poo, Bliss has an alignment problem which is easily fixable but I have been to lazy, and Fall is to monochromatic and even though I like the colors its just to friggin much! I might re do them both and then just re-code them. I am seriously sick oh this theme but I just haven’t felt creative enough, and I lost my graphic tablet pen so I cant draw anything good in illustrator so it look like this boring layout is it for now…

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