Apr 14

my recent emotional roller coaster like state has exacerbated every minor squabble between Johnny and I and tonight I cried for about a half hour for no reason at all. I am wondering if this could be a hormonal thing since my periods have been so screwed up for over 2 years now. I mean I have only had a hand full of periods while I should have at least had somewhere in between 20 and 24. Of coarse at the moment I don’t have insurance although that should be changing soon but clearly not soon enough.

Ok its late, I’m tired and my foot hurts I feel like a zombie so I’m off to bed…

Apr 11

I have been wroking non-stop both online and offline. I hate being so busy. But I am happy I finally finished plugboard.net’s re-vamp and I think it turned out nice click here to check it out.

I have been working on my current knitting project (a pink baby blanket) I am not even half way done but so far its about 2 feet wide and a foot long It definetly wont be done any time soon…

I have been so stressed out lately today I was pretty much fine all day which is nice but every now and then I get all panicky I thinks its because I want the dairy to just end and I am pretty sure that is what is going to happen but when??? Once its over Johnny will be with me at my house and he will have a regular job and have more time to actually do everyday stuff. it could take a month or two maybe even more before this is all over with and I hate that. I like knowing what the plan is and when things will happen I alway over plan everything so having things just happen whenever gets to me. Plus its baby season and we all know where I stand on this issue… maybe one day I will just end up pregnant and not even have been trying… that would be nice. I still have to file for divorce and it seems ever time I plan on going somthing else gets in the way… I AM GOING TOMORROW NO MATTER WHAT!!!

I was so annoyed earlier my mom totally forgot I had school and she didnt tell me anything about her having to work so when she was supposed to show up and didnt I was like ok wtf? so i called her no answer and her cell was off… I waited a few more minutes and had to call the school and tell them I wouldnt be coming today… I called little later and my dad picked up and told me my mom was at work… she called me when she got home from work letting me know she forgot… yea obviously mom lol oh well it gave me time to finish a few extra chapters I have to get my work turned in tomorrow though!

Apr 9

Today wasn’t bad but I have been working on a lot of random crap. For one I am moving to a different server and now I will have 120GB which is a major step up from only 20GB also I will be able to sell reseller plans so once I get toxic sugar all set up, updated and all that it will be great! Also I will be offering a bunch of new services. Also I have been working on a new site to sell some things on and then I have a few other projects I am slowly working on.

I feel better, but I am also annoyed because I didn’t get my papers filed yet but I intend on going Monday after school, I haven’t got a reply from Brandon yet though about his info but whatever I guess if he screws around then that is his problem he will just have to pay $300…

I am really counting down the days until this dairy life is over and done with I am sick of scheduled sex and no time to do jack shit… I want to spend more time with Johnny and be able to do normal stuff again.
OK i am off to bed

Apr 6
Goals
icon1 Janice | icon2 Drama, General, Johnny, Random, Rants, Stress, Whatever | icon4 04 6th, 2006| icon34 Comments »
There is so much I want to do, so much I need to do and I have been trying to take things one at a time. I am so indecisive too one minute I decide after a long debate that the plan will be “whatever I decided on” then later I change my mind… I am trying to cope with my inability to get pregnant… So I came up with this:I have decided that I need to do 25 things before trying to get pregnant again…

then I changed my mind… Damn it. The truth is I don’t want to stop trying to have a baby because if I do I would just be more upset because there isn’t even any hope of having a baby during that time… I don’t know what to do. I am not going to take any clomid or anything else to help me until I have Filed for divorce, finished my current text book in school, finished my two current knitting projects, pay 3 of my debts off, see a doctor, paint my mobile home, paint my bathroom, and paint my living room. Oh and sell everything I set aside to sell on ebay!!!
I am filing my damn papers tomorrow hopefully I am getting so fucking frustrated… I went yet again today and again couldn’t file which pissed me off to say the least, but thank God I the woman helped me by explaining a few things and highlighting things that I had missed so now I did all that made my copy’s and all I need is some info from Brandon and I should have no problem filing tomorrow!

I also have to go home and clean up my yard and I think while I am there I will grab everything or at least most of the stuff I need to list on ebay so I can be done with it already, I have so much stuff just waiting to be listed but I haven’t been able to do it. I do have a few things here that I intended on photographing tonight and listing because I am tired of it being in the way and cluttering the room.

Also my cat is pregnant… When she was supposed to get fixed she got into stuff and ate so she couldn’t go… and I never got around to making another appointment and she got out and now she is pregnant which sucks because in my county there is a new law that you can only let you pet have babies if you have a permit, and if you try to give them away via an ad in the newspaper you get a $500 fine what bullshit… my mom was saying that is good because now people will start fixing more pets… maybe a few but most of them will just dump the babies in an orchard somewhere because they can advertise or go anywhere to give them away…

I am so stressed out right now I could scream…

I hate when someone pisses you off and then is tells you they love you… saying it right after doesn’t make you any less an ass hole. Plus sometimes you need some time to be mad and work it out on your own, when I am ready things will be resolved…

Apr 4
Ouch
icon1 Janice | icon2 General, Random, Stress, Whatever | icon4 04 4th, 2006| icon33 Comments »
I just checked my credit report… I knew I had a few debts but I didn’t realize it was about $3,000 which sucks and my credit score is not good either… I am paying two of the debts off within the coming week which is good that should make a dent since I will be paying about $800 and hopefully next month I can do the same. I really want to clear my credit and get my score up so when I actually need something like a fridge (mine is dying) I can get an account and build some credit. I only have one card now and It doesn’t have a super high limit and its been in good standing for a few years which is good. I wish I could pay off everything all at once but I don’t have that much money but its a start and hopefully I can get a few more paid off or down in the near future.Also I still need to get my papers filed if not tomorrow then I will for sure on Wednesday. I just want to be divorced already. I think that once I have actually filed I will start to feel better about the things I need to do since it will be started and out of my hands. My next thing is getting through school and getting my drivers license. I am so close to finishing yet another school book which is great, I highly doubt I will totally finish everything this year but I want to get as much done as possible and be done early next year!

I also want to lose a few pounds I don’t care if its a lot I would love to lose 30 or 40 pounds but right now I am shooting for 10. I am awful with diets but I need to do something, I think once it gets warmer I will go for a nice long walk every day to at least use some calories up.

I feel so anxious to do all these things but really my to do list isn’t all that long I just hate all this crap hanging over my head…

Apr 3
Improvement
icon1 Janice | icon2 Domain, General, Themes, Whatever | icon4 04 3rd, 2006| icon37 Comments »

I am in such a good mood… Today was awesome! For one I finally got my new spring theme up which I worked my ass off on and love if its not the default its on the side bar and please let me know what you think!!!Also the modem went out yesterday so I bought an external one which works fine however I spent quite some time messing with installation disks and other things related to the old modem before just buying a new one and somewhere along the way got the sound to work and call wave which is totally awesome!

I ordered DSL on Friday it will be like 2 weeks before its hooked up though but whatever I’m just psyched that its coming!

OK WTF I don’t know what the hell but the cat that had her babies last keeps taking babies and going to other places several times she took one but i put it back (it wasn’t even her baby) well I just looked and she was gone and then i see her in the corner on a blanket with 2 kittens this time I took the babies and her and put her back in the box too and this time she stayed… so far. I wouldn’t care really but soon the kittens will be bigger and I don’t want the house turned in to one big cat box you know?

Now I just have to finis my home work… ick

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