Sigh… I am annoyed… hell lets be real here I am straight up frigging pissed. Because for one I cant get my period no matter what but I am not pregnant. I want a baby so badly and now that I have a good relationship with the man I love and we both feel ready for a baby I can’t get pregnant. I hate it I want to scream at the top of mu lungs chuck a few things at random people who piss me off, throw around a few choice words, rip my hair out and then some ones head of and then calm down and collect my self… well metaphorically any way… I don’t know what the hell is wrong but I am totally frustrated and at my whit’s end trying to calculate fertile days and remembering to use my ovulation scope and ration my ovulation sticks… and now I purchased a basal thermometer which should lead to even more fun… ha ha (like I’m really laughing now that’s funny) I need to grab a calendar and start charting as soon as it gets here also I am trying to lose some weight… this time for real. If it will get me closer to being a mom finally then I will do it plus I think I would feel better about myself. After I reach my weight loss goal (15 lbs) I will start taking clomid yet again hopefully all of this will increase my chances. and If I have the money by then (about $200 + $45 for 30 sticks) I will buy a fertility monitor that way it can help  me calculate everything and pin point key times. I have been reading the conception chronicles which I probably started about 50 times and then about 2 pages in I would burst out in tears thinking OMG its come to this I am reading an infertility book and then putting it down… but this time after my teary out burst I reminded my self I bought the book for a reason and it cost $12 (not a lot if I read it but a total waste if I didn’t) and now over the coarse of a day I am half way through it and It has really opened my eyes and made me feel better that I am not the only woman going through this and I needed that. Some things really didn’t apply in my case but the majority of information and the personal stories are comforting. Apparently I am not losing my mind (hopefully) but this whole infertility thing is driving me mad…Damn it still no kitties either what gives… she has a belly the size of a 10 lb watermelon and never looks very comfortable but nothing I even lifter her tail and looked in hopes that maybe something was popping out… no suck luck. I am afraid se will have them when I am not here some where that would totally suck for me, like the bed or on the desk where she has been laying lately. Its cute she gets up here and lays either in front or behind they keyboard while i am using it and then try’s to stretch her legs over it which like I said is cute but gets annoying very quickly as she persistently repeats this. Plus she is shedding like crazy which is driving me crazy.

alright damn it now Prika is on the mouse cord and every time I move the mouse she growls and bats at my hand… Great now she’s hissing too… pregnancy has made her crazy.